Hope

Today. 

Today was one of those days that made me stop in my tracks.

Today, a boy I know decided to take his life. I can't speak for his heart. I can't say exactly why he did it. But I do know this: when people decide that life is no longer worth living, they have lost Hope. 

Hope. 

That's what keeps us going. A basic need that drives us. We Hope for something better, something secure. Here, Hope is like fog after a rainstorm. Some grasp at it in frustration, seeking to capture it, keep it, make it something better. Some give up and lose the will to keep chasing it, choosing to give into darkness rather than living in a fog. And a few choose to dwell in it, knowing that it's a shadow of the Water of Life, and that one day it will melt away into something new, clear, and more beautiful than before. 

Hope. 

Tonight my heart broke over those who have no Hope. That's because my Father's heart breaks for those without Hope, and our hearts are forever joined together so that mine reflects His. 

Hope. 

It's all I live for and all that's worth it in the end. Without it, I would lose purpose. This love from my Father-- this never-stopping, never-giving-up love -- gives me Hope for a future spent basking in His love to the FULLEST. 

HOPE. 

It's the reason that I follow my Father the way I do, Hoping that He will use me SOMEHOW to spread the love that He's filled my heart with, a love that keeps me from becoming weary and bogged down in the mire of Hopelessness that fills the world. A Hopelessness that crushes many in its wake.

Hope. 

A rainbow is coming. Those who will wait patiently, enduring the fog by clinging to the love and promise of the Father, will see it when it comes. I beg my Father that when it does come, I'll be holding more hands than I can count as my heart overflows with Hope fulfilled.

Not Your Typical Grad

So the other day I did this thing: 

 I got a sheet of paper that says I'm really smart and qualified to do anything (that may be a stretch). Lots of people came, including my family. And it was really fun.

How do I feel about it now? 

It's kind of weird telling people "I graduated with a degree in bladeeblabla...." and finding a way to do that without sounding like I know everything (which is obviously not the case). 

Life in the last few days has been a blur of unpacking (RIDICULOUSLY DIFFICULT when I'm unorganized and my sister has taken over every inch of free space) and starting my summer gig at The Marble Slab Creamery. 

Yeah, I know. THEIR ICE CREAM IS AWESOME.

Today was my second day there, and I was asked a very interesting question by somebody I work with. 

Why do you need to go teach Chinese kids? Why can't you just teach American children?

Well, I guess that was two questions. 

But the truth is that I really didn't know how to answer him right then and there (especially in the midst of mixing up some strawberries n' creme). Why AM I going to go teach Chinese kids? There are PLENTY of needy children here in the states who would do well with a dose of love from Miss Love. 

Because I was on the spot I came up with a lamesauce answer about how it'll be neat to go teach little Chinese kiddos (then I put the strawberries n' creme in a bowl and rang up a satisfied customer).

That's not the real answer, though. I had to think about later, after I left. 

The real answer is more along the lines of 

'Cuz The Father told me to.

And the reason he picked ME to go at THIS TIME will be revealed as I go along His Call has already changed my heart and is working on the hearts of people around me and I haven't even gotten on the plane yet. COOL. 

YES. Teaching in the US next would bring me more security, more money (like, I'd get paid instead of having to raise support), I'd be closer to family, I'd be in my own culture, I'd be more likely to get a boyfriend, I'd start climbing the career ladder, I'd be more likely to find success, la-dee-da. It would be easier. But this Call, right now, is what my Father is asking of me. And what could bring me more joy than to follow it?

See that girl in the middle? She's just oozing with awesome.