The End--Sort Of.

This is it, you guys. 

I was about to write, "It's time to wrap up this chapter of life", but I don't know if I feel that life always works that way--that one stage just ends, to be followed by another. I may have come home in a plane, but my time in China isn't over and it won't ever be completely over.

I'm different. 

My kids are different. 

And the seeds we planted in each other will continue to grow.

The hardest part of adjusting back has been trying to figure out who I am now. 

I experienced about three years of growth in 11 months on the opposite side of the world, in a place that very few people around me can relate to. 

Sometimes talking about China feels like talking about somebody who died, because no one's really sure how to respond.

Me: "Oh yeah, in China we did ____ and it was awesome!" 
Normal Person: "Uhhh...cool?" 
Normal Person #2: "You savage!" 
Normal Person #3: "How do you say that in English?" 
 

The easiest thing to do is to try to fit back in, which doesn't completely work because I'm not who I was when I left. I'm not totally different, but I am different.

I also have random China moments.
For example:

Forgetting that I was in America while riding down the road and then feeling shocked when I saw that the cars around me drove in straight lines.

Becoming infuriated because my fried rice at the Asian restaurant was made with butter and bacon. 

Suddenly blinking back tears because I hugged a child who was the same size as my students. 

And I still get butterflies in my stomach over driving my own car, hearing crickets, watching sunsets, eating cereal, texting my friends, and smelling nature in the air.

(Which feels ironic, because one of the reasons America's air is so nice is because a bunch of our stuff is manufactured in China. Some of their pollution is actually ours. My world is getting bigger.)

The last six and a half weeks have been so busy with seeing people that I haven't really given myself time to process or just be.

I've also been preoccupied with the persistent question of what's next.

While I was in China, I applied to work in a couple of different school districts in places where I thought I'd like to go--sent loads of emails and even had an interview--but nothing came of it.

See, the Father knows what I want, but He also knows what I need. 

And, while I want my own classroom, I need to time to rest and sort my American-Chinese self out.
To figure out what He wants next instead of frantically trying to find it out by myself. 

 
 This blog has seen me turn 22 and 23. It's watched vigilantly as I tromped around Asia, fought off bedbugs and homesickness, squeezed my beloved students tight, and faced all sorts of unusual encounters. It's told part of the story of the Father's faithfulness over a year and a half of my short life.

I don't know what comes next, but I know that He works for our Good...
which is to look more like Him. 
It won't be easy...
but He never promised it would be.

Thank you guys for hanging in til the end--of this blog, at least. 

I'll let you know when it's time for the next one.