I'm in BEJING.

Once upon a time, I missed half a day and ended up miserably in China. Not that China was miserable. It's just that without the musical talents of Justin Bieber and my Disney Princess coloring books, I would never have survived the 15-hour flight from LA to Hong Kong, and then struggled on to Beijing. 

THAT'S RIGHT--I'M HERE. BOOYAH, BEIJING!

I still don't know what time or day it is, my body gets hungry around midnight, and my sinuses feel like they are chiseling straight out of my head, leaping out to fight the smog that is pressing down on them. But here we are. Until Monday, they are easing us into China and out of jetlag. Then the real classes begin.

I'm going to pretend that nothing happened between Monday and Thursday morning because most of that time I was completely useless. On Thursday, however, we got to take a look around the town we'll be living in until August 26th...and by town, I mean the capitol city of China. 

 No, I have no idea what those buildings are. I just took a picture because it looked cool.

 There is no way I can fully explain to you what it's like. I can't bottle up the smell and feel of the less-airconditioned, muggy city air filled with particles of something-or-another that American lungs are unfamiliar with. I can't place you among the constant chatter of strange sounds buzzing around your swollen ears. I can't bring to you the mindset required to live in a place where organization is different and much more every man for himself. 

I won't lie to you: there were moments, especially right at the beginning where I went "SHOOT. WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO???" But the Father's peace is sustaining. And I kind of like not worrying about personal space and constantly saying "Excuse me" and having to wait for a sign to tell me to cross all the crazy traffic.

Remember that time I went to Uganda? This is actually a LOT like the cities in Uganda and I'm finally understanding more about why the Father sent me there. If I hadn't gone there first, there's no way I'd be as prepared for this.

Anywho, the fun stuff. So far I have: 

Used three squatty potties (One without doors!! I'M A BALLER.)

Nibbled some else's scorpion

Gotten a back massage from someone who didn't speak English

Bought "Pillows with rich cocoa filling" at Wu Mart

Acquired a transportation pass for the city of Beijing

Eaten lots of Asian style food

Gotten unknown bruises 

This would also be a really good time to have the gift of tongues....because....yeah. Trying to figure why the cashier at the supermarket is waving a dragonfruit around and chittering at you about it is a little bit daunting. 

These are the girls who will be on my team this year. Go Team Taiyuan!

STOP BEATING MY BACK.

Yum.

Kind of like hash browns...but stacky.

They were just mesmerized at Alex's beauty. Like, a lot. A crowd was gathering across the river to take pictures of people taking pictures with Alex. INTENSE.

More to come!

Mood Swings

ILEAVEINSIXDAYSANDTHATSCOMINGSOONANDIMREALLYEXCITEDANDIHATEPACKINGANDPLANNINGANDSHOPPINGANDSAYINGBYETOALLMYFRIENDS. 

I'll give you a minute to decode that message which describes some of my feelings right now. 

MOOD SWINGS. 

I'm having them a lot more often. 

One minute I'M REALLY RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED and the next minute I'm REALLY RIDICULOUSLY FREAKED OUT and I'm doing my best to focus on REALLY RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED because focusing on the latter makes me REALLY REALLY RIDICULOUSLY FREAKED OUT. 

In other words, I should just journal and process my feelings like a good single female my age. 

At this point it's really easy to get caught up in getting really ridiculously emotional about saying goodbye and wanting to cling to everything until my fingernails bleed. For example, I want to cling to my beautiful mountains, my comfortable bed, and  the convenience of driving myself around...not to mention all the big comforts of knowing my way around and the people around me. I'd rather mope about the things I'll miss than think about the excitement of being in China. 

It's not helpful or productive.

Of course, neither is blogging or sitting around on my bed (the only oasis in what I am about to call my new theme park, Tornado Land) hoping that somebody else will throw all this stuff together in a suitcase for me (I tried it. My dog's lack of opposable thumbs makes it difficult for her to do anything but sit on top of the mess). 

In less than a week, I will be boarding four different planes on which I will sit for over twenty hours. After that I will spend all of my time with people I've just met in a place I've never been. I will have to eat things my stomach is not familiar with, sleep on a bed that was not made for my mama hips, listen to a language I never wanted to learn before, and do schoolwork for a certificate I was not interested in getting before getting accepted into this program. 

After that I will live in a city instead of mountains among people who will stare at me. People who will look different than me, sound different than me, and believe in something different than I do. People I will meet and establish relationships with. Who I will dine with, shop with, laugh with, and teach with. People I am already excited about loving. 

Do you understand my mood swings now????

My Father has promised to provide for me. He has thus far--in about a month's time I went from 20% funded to roundabouts 80% funded (ARE YOU SERIOUS THAT'S AMAZING!!!) (YEAH, I'M SERIOUS IT'S AMAZING!!!) (WHY I AM YELLING WITH MYSELF???). 

And while it's hard to say goodbye, I realize that I'd rather go through painful change than sit in the 

same place and never grow into what I was made to be. 

Like this guy.

Or not. 

My dear Chinese sister made us Chinese food last night. OF COURSE I want to meet more beautiful people like her!

Everyone's An Expert.

Me: "I'm going to China for a year to teach English." 

Everybody else:

"Do you speak Chinese?"

"Oh! Konichiwa!"

"They eat dogs there."

"How will you teach Chinese kids if you can't speak their language?"

"Can you do karate?" 

"They eat cats there." 

"Are you good with chopsticks?"

"Watch out for the fried scorpions!" 

"My cousin's friend's aunt's sister's acquaintance's brother went there once!"

"You'll be like, fifty feet tall!" 

"My cousin's friend's aunt's sister's acquaintance's brother's wife met her husband there!" 

"What? Are you going to marry a Chinese man?"

"You can buy real made in China stuff!" 

"My cousin's friend's aunt's sister's acquaintance's brother's wife's in-laws adopted a baby from Asia once!" 

"You can get really cheap purses there." 

"Why are you going there if you can't speak Chinese?" 

"I have a friend who came over as a foreign exchange student from Korea." 

"Oh, where will you be living?" *I tell them* "Ohhh...." *blank stare*

"I guess you must like rice." 

"Don't they poop in a hole?" 

*laughs and pulls corners of eyes to make them look slanty* *makes Asian joke*

"Seriously. You don't know any Chinese?" 

"I can speak Chinese! Sum Ting Wong Wit Yu! HAHAHAHAHA!"

Yikes.

He's Big.

This week the Father communicated something to me. 

He's Big.

Yeah, I know. We all forget that sometimes, which is why He makes us weak in some areas--especially when we're nervous and maybe leaving the country or something. 

Now, onto my weakness. First, in case you haven't picked up on this yet, I struggle with anxiety. The moment something is wrong with my body, my normal reaction is OHMYMOSESIHAVEAFLESHEATINGCANCERDISEASE. 

I think some of you can relate. 

So, over the last couple weeks my legs have had these weird, crazy pains and my immediate thought is that I'm going to die by age 22 and not get to go to China. I told the Father how I felt and He said, "I'm big, don't worry. I have called you and I have a purpose for you." 

Then this week, one of my loving, observant friends said, "Laura, do you think this might be anxiety-related?" I looked up from her tear-stained shoulder and said, "Really??" After that I noticed a trend. Yes, anxiety seems to be the problem and if I just RELAX I'm FINE. Why? Because anxiety can do weird things to you. Some solutions to anxiety? Coloring books, yoga, and trusting the Father like I'm supposed to. 

Second, I struggle with raising support--and we've already talked about this. I have a tendency to forget to ask the Father to bring in my support. Why? I want to do it by myself, which doesn't work. Finally, I reached the point where I realized I can't do it by myself. 

Huh. What a novel idea.

So I finally admitted to the Father that I couldn't do it by myself. Then something happened. People started contacting me, saying, "Hey, we want to support you." 

Say WHAT? I didn't have to grovel, or beg, or mow your lawn??? You say the Father told you to do it????

Which makes me see that He is 

Big

and I am

little.

Through it all, I'm being prepared for the next year, which is sure to be the hardest I've encountered thus far. Yes, I am anxious. Yes, I am not prepared. No, I cannot speak Chinese so don't ask me anymore if I can because itonlymakesmemorenervous. But He is BIG and I have a feeling that in the coming months He will only continue to get BIGGER to me. 

Yowza.

We went to Yellowstone/Montana for a week. It was beautiful. I came back completely out-of-whack, which is not. The girl in the picture is my sister, not me. 

I'm not that cool. 

When I came home, I suddenly realized there were five weeks left til departure, I had tickets to order, four papers to write, roundabouts 60% more support to raise, and health and sanity to catch. YOWZA. My counselor at the organization verbally forced me to find my planner and I started to write things down. You can't really tell in the picture, but it proves some of my productivity. 

I also met with one of my Chinese friends from last summer, who through some crazy work of the Father managed to get back here for a second summer. We hugged and caught up. AND THEN---she showed me her Book---you know, THAT Book---and said, "We are sisters now!" Friends, my heart turned into a jello puddle right then and there. I'd been waiting almost a year for that moment. YES, she is my sister-- forever!!! YESYESYESYES!!!

Thennnnn.....some screws were thrown into the plan. Somewhere in the midst of riding in the airplane, driving in the car, rodeoing buffalo, and  taming wild moose in Yellowstone I managed to screw up my back. I don't know what's wrong with it, but it's not acting normal. That's when the questions came. 

"What am I going to do about this?"

"What if it doesn't get fixed before I leave?" 

"What if something else goes wrong while I'm in China and they can't fix it there and I have to go home?" 

"Should I even go?"

Which caused a two-day halt in production. Not helpful. 

I whined at the Father, worried, stressed out, and tried to do yoga. And somewhere in the middle of that He reminded me that He's big, He has a purpose for my life, and He knows exactly what's going on, ANNND He could fix it really quick if He wanted to. And there's something called faith that I seem to have very little of.

Shoot.

So. Today. I ordered airplane tickets and wrote a paper. I talked to the Father. I crossed things off on my planner. We borrowed this machine that stretches out your back. I got a teaspoon full of a thing called "peace that passes understanding".

I am taking small, daily steps in trusting the Father and continuing on this path.

Now I need your help. IF you are reading this, you should need to be putting me on the altar right now. For getting things done, for my overall health, and for trusting that the Father knows what He's doing. Because He does--He planned it.

His will be done.

Two Scary Words

Over the last three-ish months I’ve been wrestling with two very scary words. Nope, not “homework” or “job”, but  

SUPPORT RAISING. 

I hear the word “raise” and I imagine having to lift something very huge and important, like mountains or 500 pound weights. I hear the word “support” and think of crutches or calling somebody in India to fix my computer. None of these sound nice. 

(see, they are both in pain)

Here’s what support raising actually is: asking people to pray and donate money so you can go do what God’s called you to do. That sounds nice. Here’s what some people think it is: you begging them for money so that you can go overseas and have a really fun time. And that is the dilemma I’ve been facing—feeling like the moment I say something about support everyone will think I just want their wallet.

Why is support raising hard? Because it’s not the social norm. Usually when you graduate from college, you get a job, your friends sometimes hear about it on facebook, and maybe you chat with them about it noncommittally when you run into them in Walmart. In support raising, you send out newsletters to tell people about what you’re doing, then you call them about it, and then you ask if they want to support you. You have to be involved with other people and ask them to help you. That’s hard because in this culture, it is more honorable to be self-sufficient than to ask people for help—especially lots of people, some of whom you don’t talk to that often. 

You see my dilemma/fear? It’s similar to the way I’d feel eating an ice cream cone with chopsticks while sitting on stage in a bathing suit. It’s going against the accepted social norm. 

BUT. 

It’s necessary. The expenses that need to be covered are going towards legitimate causes, like getting the TEFL certificate that I have to have to teach in China. If I DIDN’T have a team of people praying for me and cheering me on as I went, my feelings of isolation and discouragement would get in the way of doing the Father's work over there.

Sometimes I ask the Father why He doesn’t just have somebody write me a check for $15,400 and be done with it. He tells me it’s because a  team of people is needed to do this, people He will use to bless me and whom He will use me to bless. He's using me to involve others in His work--which is a gift and a privilege. And He reminds me that, in this process, He will take care of the heavy things while also being my crutch. 

We've got 80% more to go, folks.

My attempt at being self-sufficient.

Where my babies are.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is how I feel right now. 

WHY?

I KNOW WHERE MY CHINESE BABIES ARE.

(and by "babies", I mean elementary students)

Yes, friends, I have (FINALLY!!!!!) received my teaching placement for next year.

Taiyuan.

(pause for a moment while everyone reading this tries to pronounce it.) 

(Seriously. Stop trying, guys.)

"Laura, where is Taiyuan?" is the next question you ask. 

And in relation to Beijing, the only city anybody knows, it is here: 

"Tell us more, Laura," you all say after pondering the maps.

Here are some facts:

• Taiyuan is the capital of Shanxi province.
• Over 3 1/2 million people live there.
• The city flower is a chrysanthemum
• It's American sister city is Nashville (SAY WHAT???)
• It has mountains on three sides.
• You are welcome to google pictures of it.
• There are some babies in that city just WAITING for Miss Love to get there (even if they don't know it yet). 

When I get to Taiyuan, I will be in a private Chinese elementary school teaching English to students in...a...grade (we have still not been given a grade level, and I'm so ready to know how old my babies will be). I'm on a TEAM with four other girls and one mentor teacher and we all got each other's information yesterday. I might have scared all of them off with my bio because I wasn't warned what the information would be used for when I gave it (the organization asked for us to email them our hobbies...and I did), so now all of them know of my obsessions with Justin Bieber, dance parties, cookies, and coloring books without even having met me....oopsie.

Friends, I leave in less than two months. 

After spending August doing training in Beijing, I will be moving to this beautiful city and will be able to meet the babies I've already been lifting up to the Father over the last few months. 

I. AM. SO. EXCITED.

(here are some youtube videos I found)