Out of the Fairytale

Friday morning, I woke up staring at the ceiling in bitterness, thinking, "WHY. WHY WHY WHY. THIS ISN'T FAIR." In other words, I had not slept well again, which is not conducive to adjusting to a new country. 

Walking out onto the streets of China has felt much like the scene from Enchanted where Gizelle falls out of the fairytale and into the real world. Everything is more difficult, more dirty, and smells weird. It's harder to get to Starbucks, get to sleep, get some dinner, and get a grip sometimes. I also can't speak to animals...but I could never do that in the first place.

And every once in a while, I look up at the ceiling and say, "You called me here! Why aren't you making the adjustment easier? Why does my stomach hurt all the time and why can't I stop sneezing? Why are you not letting me sleep?" 

WOW.

Did you hear all the ME in that?? 

Sometimes I forget that He is Master and I am not. In America, I lived in a land of illusion--the illusion of comfort and control. Here, the veil has slipped. I have lost the illusion of control over my life. I can't just jump in my car and drive ten minutes to Starbucks when I'm having a bad day. I am not adjusted to the food. I CAN'T speak Chinese. 

The Father is as in control as ever, it's just that now I actually have to recognize His control. I also have to rest in it, which is something I don't do well. 

In the midst of it, he uses small things to show me that He's taking care of me. 

On Friday, after my whine-fest as the ceiling, I somehow had the energy to make it through seven hours of classes cheerfully. I went out to dinner with two of my friends, Hilary and Andrew, and ate until I was full. 

Then we watched TANGLED and threw around my panda and ate Dove chocolate and laughedandlaughedandlaughed. Without having woken up frustrated and sick, this would not have been nearly as sweet.  

On Saturday, Hilary and I were headed home from the subway and no taxis would pick us up and we couldn't find a bus stop to save our lives. An hour into it we both had to pee and I let out a frustrated, "Where are the public restrooms? Or even a gas station???" I kid you NOT, less than two minutes later, we came across this sign:

Next to this: 

Neither of these things are common here. 

Then, this morning, after a bus ride and an hour of walking, I did make it to Starbucks. 

It's the little things that count. The Father has called me here and He is taking care of me, He's just doing it in a way that challenges me to grow rather than wallowing in convenience as I did in the fairytale of American life. 

Sweat and Ice Cream

I knew when I woke up this morning that today would be a day of adventure and sore, sore legs. How did I know this, friends? 

Today, I went here:

Yes, it is what you think it is. No, I never dreamed of going here before this year and I didn't do any backflips or breakdancing on it, but it was pretty cool. 

Right before we exited the bus to make our way to the wall, our leader asked, "Who wants to ride the cable lift?" I thought, oh I'll just climb up and take the scenic route. 

That was a bad life choice. 

Folks, I think the number of stairs I climbed today is equal to the number of stairs I've ever climbed in my entire life. Easily 2,000 stairs, maybe more. If my calf muscles aren't ballin' by tomorrow, I'm going to ask for a refund. 

An example of never-ending stairs leading TO the wall.

An example of never-ending stairs ON the wall.

I have also never been so wet in a situation that didn't involve putting myself in a body of water. See all that humidity? That + my extreme-stair-climbing sweat led to one hot, miserable, wet heap of Laura. By the time we actually got to the wall, I was ready for a shower and a nap. 

I really, really tried to think profound thoughts like, How amazing that we can still walk on this giant structure! and I'm standing on one of the wonders of the world! but I didn't get very far past the sound of my own panting and tropical insects buzzing in my soggy, wet ears. Oh, well. Maybe next time. 

Fortunately, I decided to take the cable back down the mountain....and, unfortunately, was joined by a hornet for the most of the ride. I'm pretty sure the Chinese people heading back up were wondering why the pale white foreign girl was crouching in the corner of her ski lift. 

Upon arrival back at the hotel, I DID get my shower and nap before heading out on the next order of business: my late birthday celebration. 

Our first stop? Pizza Hut, obviously. 

As you can see, it was more of a sit-down experience than your regular pizza buffet deal. I decided to be adventurous and order some...waxberry...juice. I'm not sure who decided to call it a waxberry. It didn't taste like wax. It tasted like purple and fruity and really, really, ridiculously sweet something. 

Our next stop? Cold Stone in the mall. 

It took us a million years to find and wasn't nearly as good as my Marble Slab, but it was worth it to even get that close. Cheesecake, oreos, and fudge. Yes, please. This means, of course, that I'm OFFICIALLY 22--fully celebrated and on my way. 

This week we also began TEFL classes (every day but today, obviously). OH MY WORD. Taking three courses of classes in three weeks is a feat comparable to climbing up to the Great Wall. By the time I meet my babies in September, I'm going to be one giant heap of brain-and-leg muscle-mush. 

And that actually sounds pretty gross. 

Traffic

Today is my birthday. Today is also the day that Vinny the stomach dragon decided to rear his ugly head, so I'm currently nibbling on the second of two pieces of white bread that make up my dinner because that's all he wants to eat right now. Maybe tomorrow we will get to do what we were actually PLANNING on doing for my birthday and I'll blog about that later. In the meantime, a word on Beijing traffic.

No, it's not a picture of traffic. My computer DELETED any pictures I could find of our excursion in Beijing. MEAN.

In Uganda, I experienced some crazy traffic. Like, psycho-the-drivers-don't-care-if-you-die traffic. That traffic was terrifying. 

Beijing traffic, while insane, is a bit different. 

It's not something you fight. 

Contradictory to crossing traffic in the West, here you don't run and dart around cars--because then, much like horses, they will smell your fear and try to kill you. Rather, you feel the traffic. You become one with the cars, motorcycles, bicycles, rickshaws, and other unidentifiable vehicles that are all crossing the road before you. 

After all, you are all bodies in motion, so you have some commonality. 

Before stepping into the road, you must first look around and check each of your senses, including the sometimes unrecognized eighteenth sense which hears the inner voices of vehicles. This sense reaches out to the souls of the vehicles and asks permission to cross the road. Once it has received the vehicles' blessing, it's time to put one foot in front of the other and begin your cross. 

DO NOT RUN--WALK WITH CONFIDENCE. 

Also, walk in a group, because the vehicles will then see you as one giant entity deserving of respect. As you cross, keep your eighteenth sense open for the cars crossing ahead and behind you. You are welcome to stop and wait for cars to pass while standing in the middle of road--it's a return of respect to their right to move and mutual respect will benefit both parties. Besides, standing in the middle of zipping taxis gives one a feeling of confidence and domination, much like adrenaline rush felt by lion trainers when their head rests within the mouth of the lion. 

If you tread with delicacy, your head will not be bitten off. Better yet, you won't turn into ground beef beneath the wheels of a tiny Asian vehicle--because, come on, that's one of the more humiliating ways to die. 

I'm in BEJING.

Once upon a time, I missed half a day and ended up miserably in China. Not that China was miserable. It's just that without the musical talents of Justin Bieber and my Disney Princess coloring books, I would never have survived the 15-hour flight from LA to Hong Kong, and then struggled on to Beijing. 

THAT'S RIGHT--I'M HERE. BOOYAH, BEIJING!

I still don't know what time or day it is, my body gets hungry around midnight, and my sinuses feel like they are chiseling straight out of my head, leaping out to fight the smog that is pressing down on them. But here we are. Until Monday, they are easing us into China and out of jetlag. Then the real classes begin.

I'm going to pretend that nothing happened between Monday and Thursday morning because most of that time I was completely useless. On Thursday, however, we got to take a look around the town we'll be living in until August 26th...and by town, I mean the capitol city of China. 

 No, I have no idea what those buildings are. I just took a picture because it looked cool.

 There is no way I can fully explain to you what it's like. I can't bottle up the smell and feel of the less-airconditioned, muggy city air filled with particles of something-or-another that American lungs are unfamiliar with. I can't place you among the constant chatter of strange sounds buzzing around your swollen ears. I can't bring to you the mindset required to live in a place where organization is different and much more every man for himself. 

I won't lie to you: there were moments, especially right at the beginning where I went "SHOOT. WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO???" But the Father's peace is sustaining. And I kind of like not worrying about personal space and constantly saying "Excuse me" and having to wait for a sign to tell me to cross all the crazy traffic.

Remember that time I went to Uganda? This is actually a LOT like the cities in Uganda and I'm finally understanding more about why the Father sent me there. If I hadn't gone there first, there's no way I'd be as prepared for this.

Anywho, the fun stuff. So far I have: 

Used three squatty potties (One without doors!! I'M A BALLER.)

Nibbled some else's scorpion

Gotten a back massage from someone who didn't speak English

Bought "Pillows with rich cocoa filling" at Wu Mart

Acquired a transportation pass for the city of Beijing

Eaten lots of Asian style food

Gotten unknown bruises 

This would also be a really good time to have the gift of tongues....because....yeah. Trying to figure why the cashier at the supermarket is waving a dragonfruit around and chittering at you about it is a little bit daunting. 

These are the girls who will be on my team this year. Go Team Taiyuan!

STOP BEATING MY BACK.

Yum.

Kind of like hash browns...but stacky.

They were just mesmerized at Alex's beauty. Like, a lot. A crowd was gathering across the river to take pictures of people taking pictures with Alex. INTENSE.

More to come!

Mood Swings

ILEAVEINSIXDAYSANDTHATSCOMINGSOONANDIMREALLYEXCITEDANDIHATEPACKINGANDPLANNINGANDSHOPPINGANDSAYINGBYETOALLMYFRIENDS. 

I'll give you a minute to decode that message which describes some of my feelings right now. 

MOOD SWINGS. 

I'm having them a lot more often. 

One minute I'M REALLY RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED and the next minute I'm REALLY RIDICULOUSLY FREAKED OUT and I'm doing my best to focus on REALLY RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED because focusing on the latter makes me REALLY REALLY RIDICULOUSLY FREAKED OUT. 

In other words, I should just journal and process my feelings like a good single female my age. 

At this point it's really easy to get caught up in getting really ridiculously emotional about saying goodbye and wanting to cling to everything until my fingernails bleed. For example, I want to cling to my beautiful mountains, my comfortable bed, and  the convenience of driving myself around...not to mention all the big comforts of knowing my way around and the people around me. I'd rather mope about the things I'll miss than think about the excitement of being in China. 

It's not helpful or productive.

Of course, neither is blogging or sitting around on my bed (the only oasis in what I am about to call my new theme park, Tornado Land) hoping that somebody else will throw all this stuff together in a suitcase for me (I tried it. My dog's lack of opposable thumbs makes it difficult for her to do anything but sit on top of the mess). 

In less than a week, I will be boarding four different planes on which I will sit for over twenty hours. After that I will spend all of my time with people I've just met in a place I've never been. I will have to eat things my stomach is not familiar with, sleep on a bed that was not made for my mama hips, listen to a language I never wanted to learn before, and do schoolwork for a certificate I was not interested in getting before getting accepted into this program. 

After that I will live in a city instead of mountains among people who will stare at me. People who will look different than me, sound different than me, and believe in something different than I do. People I will meet and establish relationships with. Who I will dine with, shop with, laugh with, and teach with. People I am already excited about loving. 

Do you understand my mood swings now????

My Father has promised to provide for me. He has thus far--in about a month's time I went from 20% funded to roundabouts 80% funded (ARE YOU SERIOUS THAT'S AMAZING!!!) (YEAH, I'M SERIOUS IT'S AMAZING!!!) (WHY I AM YELLING WITH MYSELF???). 

And while it's hard to say goodbye, I realize that I'd rather go through painful change than sit in the 

same place and never grow into what I was made to be. 

Like this guy.

Or not. 

My dear Chinese sister made us Chinese food last night. OF COURSE I want to meet more beautiful people like her!

Everyone's An Expert.

Me: "I'm going to China for a year to teach English." 

Everybody else:

"Do you speak Chinese?"

"Oh! Konichiwa!"

"They eat dogs there."

"How will you teach Chinese kids if you can't speak their language?"

"Can you do karate?" 

"They eat cats there." 

"Are you good with chopsticks?"

"Watch out for the fried scorpions!" 

"My cousin's friend's aunt's sister's acquaintance's brother went there once!"

"You'll be like, fifty feet tall!" 

"My cousin's friend's aunt's sister's acquaintance's brother's wife met her husband there!" 

"What? Are you going to marry a Chinese man?"

"You can buy real made in China stuff!" 

"My cousin's friend's aunt's sister's acquaintance's brother's wife's in-laws adopted a baby from Asia once!" 

"You can get really cheap purses there." 

"Why are you going there if you can't speak Chinese?" 

"I have a friend who came over as a foreign exchange student from Korea." 

"Oh, where will you be living?" *I tell them* "Ohhh...." *blank stare*

"I guess you must like rice." 

"Don't they poop in a hole?" 

*laughs and pulls corners of eyes to make them look slanty* *makes Asian joke*

"Seriously. You don't know any Chinese?" 

"I can speak Chinese! Sum Ting Wong Wit Yu! HAHAHAHAHA!"

Yikes.

He's Big.

This week the Father communicated something to me. 

He's Big.

Yeah, I know. We all forget that sometimes, which is why He makes us weak in some areas--especially when we're nervous and maybe leaving the country or something. 

Now, onto my weakness. First, in case you haven't picked up on this yet, I struggle with anxiety. The moment something is wrong with my body, my normal reaction is OHMYMOSESIHAVEAFLESHEATINGCANCERDISEASE. 

I think some of you can relate. 

So, over the last couple weeks my legs have had these weird, crazy pains and my immediate thought is that I'm going to die by age 22 and not get to go to China. I told the Father how I felt and He said, "I'm big, don't worry. I have called you and I have a purpose for you." 

Then this week, one of my loving, observant friends said, "Laura, do you think this might be anxiety-related?" I looked up from her tear-stained shoulder and said, "Really??" After that I noticed a trend. Yes, anxiety seems to be the problem and if I just RELAX I'm FINE. Why? Because anxiety can do weird things to you. Some solutions to anxiety? Coloring books, yoga, and trusting the Father like I'm supposed to. 

Second, I struggle with raising support--and we've already talked about this. I have a tendency to forget to ask the Father to bring in my support. Why? I want to do it by myself, which doesn't work. Finally, I reached the point where I realized I can't do it by myself. 

Huh. What a novel idea.

So I finally admitted to the Father that I couldn't do it by myself. Then something happened. People started contacting me, saying, "Hey, we want to support you." 

Say WHAT? I didn't have to grovel, or beg, or mow your lawn??? You say the Father told you to do it????

Which makes me see that He is 

Big

and I am

little.

Through it all, I'm being prepared for the next year, which is sure to be the hardest I've encountered thus far. Yes, I am anxious. Yes, I am not prepared. No, I cannot speak Chinese so don't ask me anymore if I can because itonlymakesmemorenervous. But He is BIG and I have a feeling that in the coming months He will only continue to get BIGGER to me.