Some Helpful Tips

Alright, y'all. I've decided that there will only be two more posts before this cute little blog gets tied up. 

After all, I'm not in China anymore, right? 

What? AAAH. 

As somebody who is going through the awkward stages of Just-Got-Back-In-The-Country syndrome, I thought it would be helpful to write some insider tips for you, my dear Have-Been-In-The-Country-For-A-While readers, on how to deal with people like me. 

You'd think I'd write this from encounters with insensitive people, but my friends back here in 'Merica have actually been very understanding and loving about my syndrome (which has helped me oh so very much) so a lot of these lessons come from positive experiences.

Let's get down to business. 

1. The classic conversation starters: 

 "Sooooo...Chinaaaa...." 

("So what?")

"Hey pal! How was China?"  

("Oh, you know. Just the biggest experience of my life so far. Or are we talking about the country as a whole?") 

And my favorite..."Was China really different from America?" 

("Nah, they're essentially the same. Asian rednecks everywhere, eating grilled cheese and playing football.")

One of the best ways to start a conversation with someone who just got back from being in a foreign country is to say something like, "Hey, YOU, I heard you just got back from ____. Are you adjusting back ok?" Then ask about what they were doing there, if they want to go back, and how they are doing now. If you're hanging out together for a long time--like for a meal or coffee--feel free to ask more questions. I love it when people ask me about: 

• my teaching situation and my students. 
• what team life was like. 
• the places I got to go and the things I got to see. 
• what I learned and how I changed this year. 
• the things I did outside of school. 
• the aspects of Chinese culture that I really liked. 

What is hard to answer are general questions and negative statements. 

"How did you ever survive?" 

"Do they really eat dog all the time?"

"Everybody's really oppressed over there, aren't they?" 

2. Communication:

I'm still re-wetting my feet in the world of constant communication, and I'm finding that it's hard to keep up with texts, calls, facebook, emails, and all the ways you talk to people without seeing their faces. 

When you get back from out of the country, everyone comes out of the woodwork to see you. 

Which is great for me, because I like visiting with people. 

But I'm really bad at responding to texts, messages, and calls right now because I forgot how to juggle things and use a planner, and suddenly my calendar feels WAY more full than it has in months. It's been a blessing that my friends expected this and understand when it takes me a long time to get back to them. 

That said, please feel free to be in touch with me (and anybody else who has just come back into the country), but remember that it may take a little time for us to see each other, and that doesn't mean I don't love you. 

Because I do. 

I just have no idea what's happening with my ever-changing schedule a lot of the time.

3. Communication #B

I am so very, very thankful for all the good friends I have who kept in contact with me while I was away, because it was made coming back easier.

Of course, I didn't expect every person I had ever met to skype me all the time while I was in China, but keeping in touch with good friends there made it easier to pick back up with them here.

So if your friend goes away to a foreign country for an extended period of time, the best way to show them they are loved is to simply find times to communicate with them, long or short--skype, notes, messages, emails, facebook wall posts, etc. If you don't have money to send a package or time to go to the post office to send a letter, just use the internet. Even if they don't get back to you, know that you just gave them a burst of love and encouragement.

Some days it will make all the difference, and when that person returns, they will feel more comfortable talking to you because they know you really cared about them while they were gone. 

And, yes, I labeled this tip #B on purpose.

4. "What's next?"

 Another classic, terrifying question. 

I am as guilty as everyone else about asking this question to people who aren't yet sure about the answer.

It's a great question, really, and I've mostly gotten used to it by now, but it's still very intimidating when it's one of the first three questions I'm asked in a conversation. 

 "How are you?"

"How was China?" 

"What's next?"

It's more helpful when this question comes after people have asked me how I'm adjusting. It's also helpful when it's followed up with, "How can I pray specifically about that?"

5. What it really comes down to is...

being gracious and loving. 

I'm rediscovering regular small talk and learning things about myself that are sometimes good and sometimes frustrating. Reverse culture shock is a little bit different for everybody and there isn't a formula for what people like me are going through. Just love us, ask us questions, listen to our answers, understand when we go on rants about culture, and give us time. 

Which is the way we should be treating each other all the time, right?