He's Big.

This week the Father communicated something to me. 

He's Big.

Yeah, I know. We all forget that sometimes, which is why He makes us weak in some areas--especially when we're nervous and maybe leaving the country or something. 

Now, onto my weakness. First, in case you haven't picked up on this yet, I struggle with anxiety. The moment something is wrong with my body, my normal reaction is OHMYMOSESIHAVEAFLESHEATINGCANCERDISEASE. 

I think some of you can relate. 

So, over the last couple weeks my legs have had these weird, crazy pains and my immediate thought is that I'm going to die by age 22 and not get to go to China. I told the Father how I felt and He said, "I'm big, don't worry. I have called you and I have a purpose for you." 

Then this week, one of my loving, observant friends said, "Laura, do you think this might be anxiety-related?" I looked up from her tear-stained shoulder and said, "Really??" After that I noticed a trend. Yes, anxiety seems to be the problem and if I just RELAX I'm FINE. Why? Because anxiety can do weird things to you. Some solutions to anxiety? Coloring books, yoga, and trusting the Father like I'm supposed to. 

Second, I struggle with raising support--and we've already talked about this. I have a tendency to forget to ask the Father to bring in my support. Why? I want to do it by myself, which doesn't work. Finally, I reached the point where I realized I can't do it by myself. 

Huh. What a novel idea.

So I finally admitted to the Father that I couldn't do it by myself. Then something happened. People started contacting me, saying, "Hey, we want to support you." 

Say WHAT? I didn't have to grovel, or beg, or mow your lawn??? You say the Father told you to do it????

Which makes me see that He is 

Big

and I am

little.

Through it all, I'm being prepared for the next year, which is sure to be the hardest I've encountered thus far. Yes, I am anxious. Yes, I am not prepared. No, I cannot speak Chinese so don't ask me anymore if I can because itonlymakesmemorenervous. But He is BIG and I have a feeling that in the coming months He will only continue to get BIGGER to me.