Mood Swings

ILEAVEINSIXDAYSANDTHATSCOMINGSOONANDIMREALLYEXCITEDANDIHATEPACKINGANDPLANNINGANDSHOPPINGANDSAYINGBYETOALLMYFRIENDS. 

I'll give you a minute to decode that message which describes some of my feelings right now. 

MOOD SWINGS. 

I'm having them a lot more often. 

One minute I'M REALLY RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED and the next minute I'm REALLY RIDICULOUSLY FREAKED OUT and I'm doing my best to focus on REALLY RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED because focusing on the latter makes me REALLY REALLY RIDICULOUSLY FREAKED OUT. 

In other words, I should just journal and process my feelings like a good single female my age. 

At this point it's really easy to get caught up in getting really ridiculously emotional about saying goodbye and wanting to cling to everything until my fingernails bleed. For example, I want to cling to my beautiful mountains, my comfortable bed, and  the convenience of driving myself around...not to mention all the big comforts of knowing my way around and the people around me. I'd rather mope about the things I'll miss than think about the excitement of being in China. 

It's not helpful or productive.

Of course, neither is blogging or sitting around on my bed (the only oasis in what I am about to call my new theme park, Tornado Land) hoping that somebody else will throw all this stuff together in a suitcase for me (I tried it. My dog's lack of opposable thumbs makes it difficult for her to do anything but sit on top of the mess). 

In less than a week, I will be boarding four different planes on which I will sit for over twenty hours. After that I will spend all of my time with people I've just met in a place I've never been. I will have to eat things my stomach is not familiar with, sleep on a bed that was not made for my mama hips, listen to a language I never wanted to learn before, and do schoolwork for a certificate I was not interested in getting before getting accepted into this program. 

After that I will live in a city instead of mountains among people who will stare at me. People who will look different than me, sound different than me, and believe in something different than I do. People I will meet and establish relationships with. Who I will dine with, shop with, laugh with, and teach with. People I am already excited about loving. 

Do you understand my mood swings now????

My Father has promised to provide for me. He has thus far--in about a month's time I went from 20% funded to roundabouts 80% funded (ARE YOU SERIOUS THAT'S AMAZING!!!) (YEAH, I'M SERIOUS IT'S AMAZING!!!) (WHY I AM YELLING WITH MYSELF???). 

And while it's hard to say goodbye, I realize that I'd rather go through painful change than sit in the 

same place and never grow into what I was made to be. 

Like this guy.

Or not. 

My dear Chinese sister made us Chinese food last night. OF COURSE I want to meet more beautiful people like her!