Today was full of coping mechanisms. Everybody has those days, regardless of country or circumstances. Here were some of today's coping mechanisms/things that made the bad moments better:
A western toilet with toilet paper.
Starbucks.
Getting a seat on the subway on the way to Starbucks.
A salad.
A bald Chinese baby.
A bookstore.
The man next to me on the awful, crowded bus singing falsetto and growling at the window during most of our ride.
A day out in Beijing was a good idea.
But today was the very smoggiest day I have ever, ever seen--it wasn't sunny, it wasn't cloudy, it was just whit-gray nothing.
The transportation system was driving me crazy.
I want my mountains a lot, lot, lot.
(smogshine)
I crave the familiar. I crave it like a fat man craves an ice cream cone on the hottest day of summer. I want to know where I am, what I'm eating, where a bathroom is in case I need it, what time it is, who the people around me are, where I'm going, what time it is, what my friends are doing, what my family is doing, if I'm getting sick, and what's going to happen tomorrow. I don't want to learn, I don't want to grow, I don't want to taste the unfamiliar, I don't want to learn a new language, and I want to be around people I've known for more than three weeks.
And my surroundings will change again in less than a week, so there will be even more unfamiliar.
AND I'M SO MAD ABOUT BEING SENT HERE.
Then I get an email from my dear Chinese sister about how happy she is that the Father has changed her life. She is sharing His love because she wants others to know Him, too.
Oh.
That's why I'm here.
Dear Laura. Dear, dear, sweet, honest and precious Laura. I'm so grateful you are writing all of this down. And I'm so glad you are writing it for REAL...and yet still sensing that there is more happening than what the senses tell you - more at work than what appears to the naked eye. Hold fast, sweet girl. Hold. Fast.
ReplyDeleteNormalcy is approaching...even though it's wrapped up in another change and seems foreboding at first blush, hang on and look up and out...your next Home is around the corner with tiny hearts and smiles and souls there which are about to be come your solace. I have a very real sense that you are about to be rewarded with some sweet littles...hang. on.
"smogshine" is a great word. Prayers from here.
ReplyDeleteHello Miss Laura! We miss you!! We are learning to obey. You are learning to obey. It is hard for us. We are sorry it is hard for you too. We were hoping it would get easier as we got older!! ;) We love hearing about your adventures in China, and we are praying for you every night. We can't wait to hear about your students! love and kisses and BIG hugs, Audrey and Hailey
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