Traffic

Today is my birthday. Today is also the day that Vinny the stomach dragon decided to rear his ugly head, so I'm currently nibbling on the second of two pieces of white bread that make up my dinner because that's all he wants to eat right now. Maybe tomorrow we will get to do what we were actually PLANNING on doing for my birthday and I'll blog about that later. In the meantime, a word on Beijing traffic.

No, it's not a picture of traffic. My computer DELETED any pictures I could find of our excursion in Beijing. MEAN.

In Uganda, I experienced some crazy traffic. Like, psycho-the-drivers-don't-care-if-you-die traffic. That traffic was terrifying. 

Beijing traffic, while insane, is a bit different. 

It's not something you fight. 

Contradictory to crossing traffic in the West, here you don't run and dart around cars--because then, much like horses, they will smell your fear and try to kill you. Rather, you feel the traffic. You become one with the cars, motorcycles, bicycles, rickshaws, and other unidentifiable vehicles that are all crossing the road before you. 

After all, you are all bodies in motion, so you have some commonality. 

Before stepping into the road, you must first look around and check each of your senses, including the sometimes unrecognized eighteenth sense which hears the inner voices of vehicles. This sense reaches out to the souls of the vehicles and asks permission to cross the road. Once it has received the vehicles' blessing, it's time to put one foot in front of the other and begin your cross. 

DO NOT RUN--WALK WITH CONFIDENCE. 

Also, walk in a group, because the vehicles will then see you as one giant entity deserving of respect. As you cross, keep your eighteenth sense open for the cars crossing ahead and behind you. You are welcome to stop and wait for cars to pass while standing in the middle of road--it's a return of respect to their right to move and mutual respect will benefit both parties. Besides, standing in the middle of zipping taxis gives one a feeling of confidence and domination, much like adrenaline rush felt by lion trainers when their head rests within the mouth of the lion. 

If you tread with delicacy, your head will not be bitten off. Better yet, you won't turn into ground beef beneath the wheels of a tiny Asian vehicle--because, come on, that's one of the more humiliating ways to die.